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Professor Barker: "You know that you're in intellectual-land when you have a name for something like that."

Professor Barker: "We know it involves guy 1, guy 2, and the axe. And somebody got excited."

Professor Barker: "Spock wouldn't say that."

Professor Barker: "I used to know how they named syllogisms. It has to do with -- we won't go there."

Professor Barker: "Semantics makes sense. Semantics I can tell you about. Semiotics is somebody with a serious typing deficit."

Professor Barker to Casey: "Oh, dear, you must not be a famous philosopher. Yet."

Professor Barker: "I'm erasing to build up dramatic tension."

Professor Barker: "I was sitting... drinking coffee, reading a bloody comic book, and thinking, 'I get paid for this!'"

Casey: "Doesn't a life have a beginning, a middle and an end?"
Student: "Doesn't a caterpillar have a beginning, a middle, and an end?"

Professor Barker: "Gee, Little Red Riding Hood would be better if she went disco dancing."