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Jessie: "We need the opposite of 3-dimensional. Negative 3."

Leilani: "When and where did she acquire [her boyfriend]?"
Jessie: "K-mart."
Brian: "Dude, I was a blue-light special."

Jillian: "You're my teddy bear."
Kenzie: "He's not a teddy bear. He's a live human being."
Jillian: "Well, I call soccer balls teddy bears."
Tyler: "Well, then that makes sense. In Jillianland."

Jessie: "That always kicks me ass. Oh, I'm a leprechaun."

Jessie: "Why can't I just have a cat, and live in a house, and play Pac-man all day? Fuck real life!"

Jessie: "[Choosing a major is] not ice cream."
Tyler: "It's pretty close."

Brian: "That's how you make nuclear weapons. Plutonium, high explosives, boom, crush, bam, boom, then whoa big."
Jessie: "I wish I'd taken your physics class."

Jessie: "Steve is so sexy, cause he's like a chicken!"

Jessie: "Go easy on me and my pants made of jello."

Brian: "Oh, she's wearing the skin-tight leather suit. You'll never beat her."
Tyler: "It's not leather, it's linoleum."
Jessie: "I thought it was paint."