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Brian about The Two Towers: "Don't judge a book by its first 200 pages!"

Jessie to Casey: "Ha ha. You're married."

Brian: "That's your problem. You went from 'meh' to really good and then back to something that was half 'meh' and half really good."

Man in Electronics Boutique: "I need to stop going out with chicks."

Gay: "She describes herself as 'square' which is pretty good. Sponge Bob the Grandmother."

Gay: "She's living vicariously through an imaginary person!"

Leilani: "I feel like going to the bathroom again. My bladder has been giving me shit lately. Oh wait, I guess that's impossible."

Leilani: "I mean, how bad do I really need a collapsible giraffe?"

Dad: "Oh, a hawk! Oops, I'm in the wrong lane."
Brian: "Shiny bird..."

Coworker: "Hey man, at least I'm not gonna steal your knobs!"