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Mom: "I don't even know why you're still alive."
Uncle Jack: "I practice."

Mom: "You have a nicely shaped skull."
Uncle Lonnie: "I try."

Tyler: "[Beer is] like tea spiked with cleaning fluid."

Leilani: "My deodorant lied to me!"

Alex: "There needs to be a jump button. There's nothing like jumping when you're hopelessly frustrated."

Kat: "The duck has a kilt? This I gotta hear."
Grant: "Makes more sense than shorts. Or tuxedo pands on a duck would just be silly."

Tyler: "Let's sacrifice a generation to test this."
Grant: "That's California's motto."

Boss: "They say, 'You should surf!' And I say, 'No way. I don't wanna get involved in whatever cult that is that makes you want to not work!'"

Tyler: "Here's a form. Can you fill this out and stamp it with your ass?"

Coworker: "Isn't this kind of sacreligious? Eating In'N'Out in front of McDonalds?"
Tyler: "They don't get paid enough to care."
Coworker: "I just feel sorry for Ronald."
Alex: "Lemme tell you, the guy's a fucking clown."