Recently Added

Coworker: "There used to be a problem with ninjas here."
Alex: "Fucking ninjas ruin it for everyone."

Alex: "I get up. I don't even have to turn my computer on. I just look at it [blinky cable modem]. Aww. 'I'm gonna go to work now. I'll be back.'"

Alex: "I walk into a video arcade, and I see whack-a-mole, basketball hoops and oh my god, a real video game. What's this? 'Mary Poppins Goes to Hell'? Okay."

Alex about the fictional game 'Mary Poppins Goes to Hell': "I'm thinking bulletproof umbrella."

Professor Grush: "This is a big lecture hall! They should have big chalk, instead of 5 boxes of small chalk. I have to bring my own chalk! That's how bad this is."

Professor Grush: "I'm going to use conditional proof, because I'm trying to prove a conditional, and conditional proof is just yelling out to me, 'Use me, Rick! Use me!' I never want to turn down that kind of request."

Student: "Can you use modus ponens and modus tollens on biconditionals?"
Professor Grush: "Um... okay, fine.... I hereby officially pronounce that it is okay to apply modus ponens and modus tollens to biconditionals."

Professor Grush: "Some people can get by with 1 [blue book] because they write small, and somepeople take 3 because they write, like, 1 letter per page."

Professor Grush: "When I was an undergrad, I had 5 midterms a day, and I liked it."

Professor Grush's overhead transparency:
Principal Smith: I think your child should be held back a grade. He is younger than his classmates, and the material seems to be a bit advanced for him.
Parent: Screw you! You fascist dip shit!