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Alex: "My mother died by a mayonnaise monster!"

Alex: "Oh! Can I take a level of commoner?"

Mom: "I mean, it's the redwoods! If God isn't in the frigging redwoods, I dunno where he is."

Jessie: "The rest of the [political science] class is just talking about, like, 'What kind of banjo would Marx play if he were alive today.'"

Mom trying not to swear: "Oh-- puckey in a head."

Dad: "You'll like her coffee. It's good coffee. It's like mud. You can stand a spoon up in it. The spoon slowly dissolves, but..."

Darkstar member 1: "Congratulations, it's a Buick."
Darkstar member 2: "You've just given birth. Here are the keys."

Darkstar member: "You did take the crab out, right? So now it's roaming free?"

Darkstar member 1: "The pirate version of Serenity came out 3 months ago in Hong Kong."
Darkstar member 2: "They're all wearing eye patches?"

Darkstar member: "Don't make me get Fresh Prince on your ass."