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Tyler: "This is where I get it. 'It' being, like, pretty much everything."

"Any lemon lime soda is safe. Mountain Dew has caffeine."
"Up the ass!!"

Tyler: "And they will call up and say, 'Yes, this person is a huge mega-weasel."

Jessie: "You don't need protein every day. In the old days, they only ate meat three days a week. And they never ate vegetables. They worked twice as hard as we do."
Casey: "Yeah, but they died at age 35."
Jessie: "That's 'cause they're stupid."

Dad: "Just think of an excuse and go for it. A little lie never hurt anyone."

Billboard: "Redecorate right -- the first time"

Wombat: "He has a double-edged sword coming out of his mouth."
Tyler: "He just walks around going, 'Ow! Ow!'"

Tyler: "I have a shirt like this! No wait, I used to. No, it was nothing like this."

Jessie: "I look like a drunk guy! Sittin' on his porch with his... trumpet..."

Tyler: "This person is screwed up. Let's give them a hamster. Squish! This person is still screwed up."