Recently Added

Professor Green: "You think we have a good team this year?"
Student: "Yeah, we almost won last night."
Professor Green: "Yeah, we almost won every night!"

Professor Green: "He took some soiled underwear or something, cheesecloth, and some rats got into it and laid eggs..."

Professor Green: "What I want to know is: do the lecture notes have my jokes in them?"

Professor Green: "Calories are going in and calories are going out. The more you can make go out, the better off you are."

Professor Green: "I hate giving this lecture, can't you tell? Because you don't give a damn and you can't understand it."

Professor Green: "Wow, this is getting to be my favorite lecture! I hated it all these years, all I forgot was the coffee!"

Professor Green: "I'm not asking you to show up. Because if you don't, there'll be more pizza for me."

Professor Green: "How much is that rabbit in the window? And the guy says, '30 dollars.' I said, '$30! I can get these for free in the lab!'"

Professor Green: "Do you have to remember that? Yes, if you're a chemistry major."

Professor Green: "You don't light a match to your whole gas tank and send your car to the next county if you want to get there yourself."