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Tyler: "Just think of a pole-dancing lich."

Jessie: "So walruses might not even have balls. I'm so disappointed."
Amanda: "You can look that up online."
Jessie: "I think I'll wait until I get back to work on Monday to do that."

Rick: "Step one: the game setup. Put every game piece in my mouth. Step two: there is no step two."

Brian: "What does this [throat slashing gesture] mean? In Heidelberg this means we want to eat sausages."
Tyler: "It means we want to eat sausages, if you know what I mean. And I don't think you do."

Tyler: "I've trained since birth for a specific prophecy."
Jessie: "What, for being an ass?"

Tyler: "You know you'd be hit less often if you use a shield."
Brian: "Shields are for nancy-boys."
Tyler: "'I block with my face!'"
Brian: "How do you think I got my chiseled good looks?"

Brian: "That's not a bush!"
Tyler: "No, I'm pretty sure it's a bush."
Brian: "It's strangling me with a tentacle. It's not a bush."
Tyler: "No, it's a bush. How much did you drink?"

Jessie: "Critically tooled!"

Tyler: "Steve! Stop! You're hurting the family. And then raising them as undead."

Jessie: "Your brother abandoned us."
Brian: "What do you mean?"
Jessie: "He left us!"
Brian: "I left, too! But I came back! I had to get milk!"