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Tyler: "We can have you ride the hamster off into the sunset."

Rick: "Staff of Aggressive Thoughts. 'I hate you! I hate you! I'll push you down the stairs!'"

Brian: "Castigating strike on the crocodile."
Tyler: "Castrating strike? He doesn't even have external genitalia."
Rick: "That makes it all the more terrifying."

Jessie: "Everybody like my new dice? Look how green they are."
Brian: "Makes me want to play a ranger."
Rick: "Hide in the woods like a girl."

Tyler: "Okay, the paladin is searching the necromancer, seeing if any of his parts are relevant to his interest."

Jessie, singing to the tune of "Thrift Shop": "I'm wearing this cool-ass belt, that I got from some dead elf."

Rick: "I have 2600 gold. I could buy a jetpack."

Jessie: "I do not trust dwarves, because they are so small and what if I turn around and they follow me and I'm like, are you dwarves? And they get offended."
Casey: "Yeah, they prefer to be called 'little people.'"
Jessie: "Call me Goldgoldbullshit."
Rick: "Of the Bullshit Clan."

Tyler: "The rats all think at you."
Jessie: "Cheese cheese cheese cheese..."

Tyler: "Cranium rat sitting in a maze. It sits still. The researcher reaches over, picks up the cheese, and hands it to the rat. Experiment successful."