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Audience member: "Watching robots dick around with each other is more fun than expected."

Kelly: "Playing baseball with a lightsaber kinda defeats the purpose. It's a swing and a slice."

Kelly: "Did someone just yell out 'chug' for an apple?"

Kelly: "No not you, the good-looking one next to you. Narcissistic much? That's my job."

Kelly: "I keep wanting to make fun of his hat, but I can't because I really want one myself."

Kelly: "If I had a dollar for every time Charles told me, 'Just one more screw,' I'd be able to drink in the hotel bar."

Kelly: "Have we fixed the cool thing yet?"
Competitor: "I hope."

Kelly: "We're not on TV, remember! And I like it that way!"

Kelly: "You bought a robot on eBay? That's like Hugh Hefner buying porn."
Audience member: "PG!"
Kelly: "They don't know who Hugh Hefner is! "And if you think they don't know porn..."

Audience member: "Break your cool thingie?"