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Tyler: "Do you have a personalized bowling ball? You should get one. They're scary."

Professor Hutchins: "Don't seat anybody for a while because we're out of every ingredient in the house."

Professor Hutchins: "But I won't bore you with the lessons of getting old -- you have to learn that on your own."

Professor Hutchins: "The airplanes talk to the pilots now."

Professor Hutchins: "Why do we talk to ourselves when we do a lot of things? Because we're crazy."

Professor Hutchins: "[While piloting an airplane,] Being able to see out the window is frosting on the cake."

Professor Freilicher: "[In the universal movie plot,] There is a car chase, and everybody has sex, and then it ends. Or the dark version is that everybody doesn't have sex and then it ends."

Professor Chamberlain: "How many times have I told you not to read the book?"

Professor Chamberlain: "That's a gift. Latin's gift to you. Imperfect subjunctive."

Professor Chamberlain: "I will have it back to you on Monday, along with your homework, which has been burning a hole in my pocket."