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Tyler: "My phone now speaks Chinese."

Mom: "My dad was in the same spot! And he cheated on my wife!"

Leilani: "It tastes acceptable. I think it's fermented on purpose."

Casey: "Everybody wants to be a dragon."
Brian: "Well, it's Dungeons and Dragons. You can't be a dungeon."

Jessie: "I love boring documentaries."
Dad: "I've slept through a lot of them."

Rick: "I would be concerned if Microsoft had nukes."

Tyler: "It's just like Freud. You can explain everything in terms of penises, but it doesn't help."

Scott: "I make Grant look like a Disneyland ride."

Kate: "If you murdered anybody they'd have a copy of your DNA."

Tyler: "How to Make it Look Like an Accident 101."