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Mike: "Oh, whine me a river."

Mike: "I've been an uncle since I was born."
Tyler: "Show off."

Tyler: "This game [Space Hulk] is pretty bad. I figured out how to spin around, though."

Jessie: "Wish I was a baby and people would applaud me just for existing."

Amanda: "Mommy's gonna miss the football! Mommy's gonna eat cake! There better be cake."

Rick: "Which 'hole'? W, 'whole', or?"
Amanda: "A-hole."

Leilani: "Is the pie warmer than a dog?"
Michael: "What kind of dog?"
Tyler: "Is the dog on fire?"

Mom: "Bacon bacon bacon. Nothing's better than bacon."

Tyler: "If my hair gets set on fire, is that awesome? Or bad safety to show the kids?"

Grant: "He should be doing dinner theater."
Tyler: "What do you mean, 'should be'?"