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Professor Granger: "This room needs fire-writing."

Professor Granger: "There are bodily fluid stains on the ceiling."

Professor Granger: "To be a writer is to be weird already."

Professor Granger: "What a can't get past is the fact that we're 'stalking the truth'.... It's not a damaging weapon, it's a blade!"

Professor Granger: "You know in Homer, when you get these long, boring passages where nothing happens, and at the end, a god appears?"

Professor Granger: "It's like, let's go drink some alcohol; let's go look at these girls; let's go play with 's'es."

TA Stephen Cope: "You guys are going to be ruining my weekend. You better make it good!"

Professor Granger: "[The summer school calendar is] sort of like one of those rides where you get on and you're terrified, and then you get off and you're sick."

Professor Granger: "Like a potentate, ruler, or god, saying 'I!' like that."

Professor Granger: "It's like somebody living in an apartment, you're allowed to be there. But if a total stranger walks out of your kitchen..."