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Tyler: My tables of magic random effects are not prepared for the sheer amount of shenanigans that should be occurring here.
Garland: You're lucky Ian isn't here.

Sam: Yeah, I give it to him. He has a spoon now. (beat) We're all going to die.

Sam: "I'll be a black pudding with fighter wizard levels."

Tyler: "Hey, you never know when you're gonna need a table."
Brian: "Alas, it is broken."
Tyler: "You never know when you're gonna need half a table."

Ian: "Poor Meat Shield Number 29. He didn't deserve this fate!"

Tyler: People are mostly made out of water, but if you rearrange the water, it stops being a person.

Cesar: "Good job... question mark?"

Ian: "How long can children hold their breath?"
Tyler: "Let's find out!"

Ian: "He's just here to put out fires and chew bubble gum. And he's all out of bubble gum."
Cesar: "I don't think they can chew."
Tyler: "Well, not any more, he's all out."

Brian: "I'm not peeing in a statue in some dark temple!"
Sean: "That would be disrespectful."
Tyler: "That's the point."